(edit: with 5K views, theres no way people can say I never did this!
My Business (Important)Hi all!
Hope everyone is well and having lots of summer fun!
It has recently come to our attention here at Vita Nova Taxidermy that there has been a couple of rumors and bad talking going around. We'd like to clear up those issues publicly.
To start off, I, Mars, am in no way a perfect artist. Nobody truly is. What I create and how I create it is the way I see it with my own eyes. My art is my art and it's every part of me. I am not a professional, nor do I claim to be. I have only been doing taxidermy for less than 2 years, the last year I took very seriously. I work every day to better myself in my taxidermy business to provide the most clean and beautiful mounts I can give. With all art, there can be errors. Errors can be everywhere from a couple of staples in an ear to a possible loose stitch or two. Though I do my best to fix these things, accidents do happen. They are not always flawless. Some parts of this aren't always my fault as issues can come from shipping, or a poor
Lets start with me.
Because that’s where this should start. There would be none of this without me, and that’s what matters first. Me, a human being, will come before any name I could create.
I know there are some concerns as to why I've been so quiet, as if nothing had ever happened. Well this is for a reason, actually. To be truthful, I want to believe that’s the case- that it NEVER Happened. I also act this way because the more I look, the more it bothers me. I actually have not even read ANY Journals about me except for the first one, and I was told about the others. I refuse to read them. I physically cannot bring myself to do it. I know everyone (even myself) forgets that the people reading this right now are real, actual people with a life and feelings. I have been keeping it all inside and acting good, and TRYING, that’s my key word, trying, to move on with my life. But no one wants to let me do that.
I don't have shame in expressing how I feel and how I am. I know my very best friend is concerned about me. I know my partner is concerned about me, and even more horrific, I'm concerned about me. The entire ordeal that’s been going on for months has done nothing but cause me pain. The only time I had felt like this before, was when I was drugged up by a whack therapist and I was sitting on the edge of my bed happily thinking about ways id love to end it all. This time, im not drugged. Every very moment of my life I do happily think of ways I could quit- and I truly mean quit. I know some of you out there are probably jumping with joy, saying "yes! Finally! She was going to disappear forever!" or "look at this! boo hoo Mars is SAD! Suck it up." because that’s how twisted and messed up some of these people are. I know they're sharing this with friends, excited and eager to see that it worked, they ruined my life. They got -exactly- what they wanted. Im waiting to see the link to this passed around, shared, pointed at.
I know some of these people are this way, because I was friends with almost every single one of the people involved in this situation. Im glad I could bring the few of you some joy in knowing that still, as im writing this, I COULD make all of your dreams come true and dissapear like everyone really hopes I do. Why I havent.....I dont really know.
So, I try to think of other things instead, do other things. Which is why I have been flat out ignoring every single hurtful and cruel thing that has been said and going on. And to be honest, I probably will continue to do it. Ive got a lot wrong with me because of all of this. Anxiety, anger, paranoia, depression. Even bringing myself to admit that, and write it, has me completely on edge. I wont banter on about myself, because really, no one does care about that when you think about it. Everyone just cares about what im doing, what ill do next, how I did this, how I did that. So lets get to the stuff we all -really- care about.
If you want me to address issues, here we go. The holes in the neck? I do that on purpose (duh) to put clay in the back of the head to hold the earliners. Why? Im dumb and don’t know how to do it any other way. It WORKS for me. The holes pop open because I SUCK at sewing, although I have been practicing since and have gotten better, slower, more patient and careful with my seams. Recent customers off of dA have been telling me nothing but good things, and if at most, they find one or two very small holes, or none at all. (Ive found my share of holes on other artists work too…but I wouldn’t go shouting about it. It doesn’t matter.)
The rusty nails were on one mount, and that was Shasta. It was impossible (at the time, remember this was three years ago) to hold the skin where I wanted it and didn’t have T pins at the time, only small sewing pins. I found some regular nails and used it to hold it down until it dried, and forgot to remove them later on. Its not a shocking thing, Ive had other artists mounts in my hands and have found plenty of things they’ve left behind inside/on their mounts. It does happen, and it was a very long time ago when I knew next to nothing. I leave pins in the ears for safety. Just in case they get knocked out, my customers can push the pins in to hold them down. Matter of fact, I remember a better time when people told me "everyone does it their own way." (which is true. As much as you all want to believe theres "rules" to this, there arent. Its art…If it works, do it.) "Leave the pins! That’s how they made it." That’s what I was very specifically told by people when I got a mount with T pins holding the ears down.
I really cant think of any way where everyone involved isnt guilty of something. Weve done our shares of digging and ive found nasty and surprising things about everyone whos pointing fingers at me. (and some who arent, too.) But I don’t feel the need to express them publicly because what is it going to do? Every single Taxidermist, pro or not, has SOMETHING that they’ve done wrong. Were all human. And as much as I want to, posting it all wouldn’t benefit me in any way. I don’t even think it would bring sales to me, because who would want to do business with someone who spends their days attempting to ruin other peoples lives? No one. People have been telling me some artists involved were their idols or their favorite artist, and now they don’t want to touch them with a 10 foot pole because of either how their acting, or the abusive people they associate with.While I was trying to move on with my life, Ive had many people come to me about this. Some supporting me, some threatening to hurt me, but mostly, talking about how they were surprised at the names and faces and how they never expected them to be such horrible people. And I think about it, and I think, and I think. And I realize…theyre right. No normal, decent person would ever want to purposely ruin someones life that they’ve never even had a full conversation with. I guess it just makes you take a step back. I don’t know.
I know it doesnt seem like it, but Taxidermy really is and was the only thing I was ever great at. I had thought I found a family, but I realize I certainly did not. I keep doing it because I love it, because i need to be better than everything said about me. and I KNOW im better than whats said about me. Each day I work harder to better myself and what I do. And that is the only thing I can do to heal from....everything.
To end this, If you feel the need to degrade or demean how I feel about what has happened over the last several months, I can't stop you. This isn't a "poor poor pitiful me". But if you feel the need to refute my feelings, I guess it just shows the real and true types of people who we surround ourselves with.